When Straight Men Have Sex With Other Men (Continued)

To best understand these men, therapists and clients need to be able to differentiate four terms that are often confused; sexual identity and orientation; sexual preference; sexual fantasies; and sexual behaviour. Contrary to common usage, they aren't always in alignment. Sexual identity and orientation encompasses one's sexual and romantic identity, in which thoughts, fantasies, and behaviours work together in concert. It's the alignment of affections, romantic, psychological, spiritual and sexual feelings and desires for those of the same or opposite gender. Sexual orientation doesn't change over time.

One's sexual behaviors and preferences might change, but like one's temperament, one's orientation remains mostly stable. The term also refers to how someone self-identifies, not how others may categorise him or her. Some people self-identify as straight, while others self-identify as gay or lesbian, bisexual or questioning. Sexual preferences refer to sexual acts, positions, and erotic scenarios that someone prefers to have while engaging in sexual activity. The term takes into account what individuals like to to and get into sexually, not necessarily with whom they like to do it. Preferences and erotic interests can change over time, as one becomes more open or closed to certain thoughts and behaviors. 

Sexual fantasies are any thoughts that one finds arousing. They can encompass anything - sexual positions, romantic encounters, body parts, clothing and shoe fetishes, even rape. Sexual fantasies aren't necessarily acted out. In fact, in many cases, they aren't. Sexual behavior is any behavior intended to pleasure oneself and/or one's sexual partner. It doesn't necessarily reflect one's orientation. For example, men whoa re imprisoned engage in sexual behaviors with other men, but do so out of sexual necessity, not because of erotic interest in another man. They desire the behavior and the sexual release it achieves, and the gender part of the partner is secondary. For straight men who have sex with men, same-sex encounters aren't about romance or sexual attraction and desire, but about sexual and physiological arousal - "getting off" with another who's male and accessible. They don't sexually desire or get aroused by looking at other men, only by the sexual act. But if they don't actively desire other men, how do they get to the point of having sex with men? These men typically want to bond with and get affection from other men. 

Their behaviour may reflect a desire to experiment, to engage in something that's taboo, or to express inner psychological conflicts involving their sexual feelings and desires that have nothing to do with having a gay or bisexual identity. Straight men who have sex with men do so for a variety of reasons. Some have been sexually abused are are compulsively reacting childhood sexual trauma by male perpetrators; some find sexual release with another man more accessible; some have sex with men because it's easier and requires fewer social skills than those required to have sex with women; some are "gay for pay" and get financial rewards; some the like attention they receive from other men; and some like anal sex, which they're otherwise too ashamed to talk about or engage in with their female partners.

SOURCE:  www.straightguise.com